so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
