my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
