your room smells of hookers.
And success
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
