shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
