He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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