dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
