We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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