a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
