They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
