How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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