u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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