I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
