Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i believe in u and ur pee
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