you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
