I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
