just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
