My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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