she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
