i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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