Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
