I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
