yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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