I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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