I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
