So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
