I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
