I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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