once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
