Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
