Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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