thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
