we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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