i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
