Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
