If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
