I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
