6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are all done wearing pants today
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
