she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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