You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
