I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
