I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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