I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
