just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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