The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im holly from the hills drunk
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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