I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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