Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
