My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
