So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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