Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
