I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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