My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
