made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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