There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
