Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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