I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
