you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
