that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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