Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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