but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
porn star boner night. come get it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
