hotel room ftw
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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