Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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