I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize