He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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