I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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