It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
