I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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